


if i could give you up (i would erase you)

by yvesflower



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Medieval AU, Yearning, i dont know why everything i write turns out angsty, jungeun is a princess, light fluff, lipves but make them medieval sapphics with lots of yearning, sooyoung is her knight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:48:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27764005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yvesflower/pseuds/yvesflower
Summary: she knows. It’s sooyoung’s vow itself that involves, in the end, to fight, fight and fight.Fight for the sake of the kingdom, fight for the king, fight for the people and fight for so many other reasons, but jungeun thinks it fucking sucks the way sooyoung won’t be able to fight for her.
Relationships: Ha Sooyoung | Yves & Kim Jungeun | Kim Lip, Ha Sooyoung | Yves/Kim Jungeun | Kim Lip
Comments: 4
Kudos: 28





	if i could give you up (i would erase you)

**Author's Note:**

> hi welcome! have fun because i had a lot of fun writing this. i'm sorry it was too short i had to juggle time to write and time for school god it was so fucking horrible. anyway, i hope this is good enough for some of you.

sooyoung scrubs away the blood under her fingernails.

The honour of a knight comes with great responsibility, where if tainted shall result in unimaginable, dire consequences. A good knight will strive to protect the kingdom, will do anything it takes that is. Bloodshed on the battlefield -swords stained with red… murky and glimmering under the harsh glow of aftermath- does wonders to fuel people’s thirst for triumph and equal disdain for disaster.

Especially when they’re not the ones going out to risk their lives, ceremoniously exposed on the battlelines.

sooyoung sighs as she shakes away the carousel of vividly unwelcomed images she had to face this time. She leans away from the sink she was holding herself up earlier, running her calloused hands through her short brown hair in a somewhat frustrated manner.

Returning from the frontier of the kingdoms was never easy for her. She had seen every single one of her comrades fall to their knees, and those who were lucky enough to get away were never their same selves again. Just like her.

People welcome them home with a feast of delectables, a huge banquet thrown to celebrate their victory. sooyoung is happy to know she’s appreciated, but that doesn’t mean it helps in comforting her. At this point, sooyoung is numb to the effects of it all. Too used to it and too tired after having been through too many close-calls and too many goodbyes.

A knock at her door interrupts her silent introspection, “sooyoung? Are you there?”

She smiles at hearing the familiar voice and softly tells the other to come in. Once she’s inside, sooyoung doesn’t hesitate to open her arms for the girl invitingly, but not before greeting her with a cheeky “good evening, princess jungeun.”

jungeun wastes no time in diving into sooyoung’s arms, relishing in the burning touch of her knight that somehow sets her off into a state of tranquil and comfort. She sighs into the crook of her neck and tightens her hold around sooyoung’s waist. sooyoung cradles the back of jungeun’s head in her palms, holding her close - as if she were to slip away from her grasp.

They stay like that for a while, just to bask in each other’s embrace. I miss yous unsaid but palpable in the way they seem to never want to let go - begging for longer, begging for _more_.

It was never supposed to be like this. sooyoung doesn’t know how being sworn to protect jungeun included falling in love along the way. it’s unconventional, for the royal princess and the royal guard to be in love with each other, hell it’s even forbidden. So they hide. And treasure moments like these where it’s just them, away from prying eyes. Just the two of them, holding each other, in the safety of sooyoung’s dainty little room that contained far more memories than both of them could recall.

jungeun traces her fingers over the visible scars on sooyoung’s body: her back, her hands, her arms, everywhere. She swallows the ugly feeling of guilt and pulls away to be face-to-face with the older girl instead and notes the addition of cuts on sooyoung’s face, heart wrenching at the sight, and resorts to standing on her tiptoes to litter kisses over each and every one of sooyoung’s bruises: the least she could do for sooyoung.

When she pulls away again, she’s greeted with the sight of sooyoung with her eyes closed and with a meek smile on her face. When she does open them, glazed-over and gleaming under the mellow glow of sunlight that has succeeded in getting through the curtains, jungeun holds her breath at the sheer sight of it all.

jungeun thinks it’s unfair, thinks it’s fucking terrible, that sooyoung has to face the brink of death too many times just because, _Oh, we’ve declared war with Liden. I want you, the best we’ve ever had, to lead our men to victory. Go assemble the battalions, sooyoung. You’ll leave by sundown._

Her father’s words, void of any consideration of how sooyoung has led way too many of them to feel at ease, makes jungeun think they might be the enemy after all this time. She knows. It’s sooyoung’s vow itself that involves, in the end, to _fight_ , _fight_ and _fight_. Fight for the sake of the kingdom, fight for the king, fight for the people and fight for so many other reasons, but jungeun thinks it fucking sucks the way sooyoung won’t be able to fight for her.

sooyoung reaches to caress jungeun’s cheeks, the palm of her hand cupping her face gently while looking too concerned for someone else’s well-being for a person who had just escaped the silly gambit of death.

“What’s wrong?”, sooyoung inquires to which jungeun simply sighs as a response.

“Is it because of me?”, jungeun shakes her head and finally gives her an answer, “It’s not because of you, I'm just thinking about how I can never love you without it being a secret.”

sooyoung tips jungeun’s head up gently, coaxing her to look at her and softly says, “We talked about this, there is no other choice…” she runs her fingers through jungeun’s blonde locks with the futile attempt to comfort her, “our love is enough, for now.”

“What if it’s not? What if it’s not enough no, there are no what ifs! It’s not enough, sooyoung, it’s not!”, jungeun pushes herself away from sooyoung, defensively wrapping her arms around herself.

sooyoung, god bless sooyoung, is always patient when it comes to jungeun: one of the things she’s grown to adapt to after knowing jungeun since they were as little as ten. As little as when jungeun still had that untainted smile of innocence and the advantage of blissful oblivion.

It was never that way for sooyoung.

sooyoung was forced to accept her destiny the moment she was sworn to the sword, bound to it the moment she recited her oath. sooyoung never realised she had grown to see jungeun’s smile fade over the years - replaced by strained, meek smiles forced out of courtesy.

So, sooyoung does what she thinks she does best. Provide jungeun with shelter of trust, comfort and everything the kingdom has failed to consider for her.

But it gets a little too tiring sometimes.

Draining. Overwhelming.

sooyoung doesn’t even know what to say, doesn’t think it’s right to tell another lie. Still, she sighs and gently reaches to hold the girl again, who at this point had her blonde locks cascading down her front as she held her head down from the weight of abysmal guilt that tears away her mind piece by piece.

“jungeun…”

“Father wants me to be betrothed to the prince from our neighbouring kingdom.” jungeun says after much hesitation, stunning sooyoung into silence as she pulls back abruptly.

“W-what?” sooyoung stutters “from Ellesmere?”

jungeun nods soundlessly, the dread that settled in on her since the news came out has never left. She buries her head into the palm of her hands and groans into it, “there’s nothing I can do about it, sooyoung.”

She shakes her head, and sooyoung is amazed to find the reflection of her own distressed self in jungeun’s eyes as she steps closer to her.

“I don’t want to be someone else’s lover,” jungeun continues, “they’re not you. They will never be you, they’re not… who i want, who i _love_.”

sooyoung gazes into jungeun’s eyes, how could such words come out only in such precarious times. It’s unfair, sooyoung thinks, that their fate remains unchanged no matter how hard they try. Unbridled, sooyoung lets herself be vulnerable for once and sinks down, weighing jungeun down with her.

“sooyoung,” jungeun whimpers, “say something…”

sooyoung grasps at jungeun, anywhere, everywhere. Just wants to feel her on the tip of her finger, wants to feel her touch, wants to know this is still real.

She wraps her arms around jungeun’s torso and jungeun settles on her lap as if it was the most natural thing, “maybe i was wrong,” sooyoung starts, “that the only protection you needed from was our foes.”

“What do you mea-”

“I need to protect you, jungeun. Letting you go is what I need to do to protect you.”

jungeun throws her arms around sooyoung desperately, “No, that’s not what it is! You don’t need to let me go.”

Despite sooyoung’s words, she tightens her embrace around jungeun. It seems nothing like what sooyoung’s words sounded like, as if letting go was never mentioned in the first place by the way their limbs wrap around each other were enough telling of their tangible longing.

sooyoung presses the faintest of a kiss on jungeun’s exposed shoulder, taking note of the way jungeun shuddered under her mere touch. She notes it as if it were the last time she’d ever feel it, close to touch but still so far away.

“I don’t want this moment to end,” sooyoung says with an edge in her voice, mere moments away from tipping to her breaking point, “can we try to make the most of what is left?”

jungeun thinks it’s unfair, how easily she gives into what sooyoung always has to say. But this is different for fuck’s sake this easily determines their fate that both of them chose to neglect even though it has been written - inked into their skins permanently - beforehand.

jungeun sighs in defeat, “then please, at least kiss me one last time.”

And when their lips meet - familiar of all the times when the tears cascading down their faces were once lighthearted giggles, clinking teeth and hushed whispers of declaration of love and everything fluttering - jungeun crumbles entirely and sooyoung, sooyoung holds her as if jungeun was all she has.

For the very last time.

**Author's Note:**

> please do leave a comment, even keyboard smashes are highly appreciated!


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